


Night Vale Qualifications

by pikeisaman



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Crossover, M/M, domestic life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 22:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikeisaman/pseuds/pikeisaman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Mike isn’t really sure why he and Joel decided to move to Night Vale. After all, it’s not like the town is exactly well known. Or…at all known. Mike’s not really even sure it’s on a map. "</p><p>Total credit to Renmorris and Dorfette for the ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Vale Qualifications

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd and rambly whoops

 It’s definitely weird.

Mike isn’t really sure why he and Joel decided to move to Night Vale. After all, it’s not like the town is exactly well known. Or…at all known. Mike’s not really even sure it’s on a map. 

Was it that Joel had an aunt who had left the house to him? Was it that Mike had an aunt? It seemed to him that he would remember if he had an aunt. Or was it a second cousin twice removed? Did he live there as a kid? These thoughts sometimes run through his head, but the more he tries to remember the possible relative’s relation the more his brain rebels.

One time he tried hard enough that he could almost imagine something. An elderly woman with an oddly blank face-like an eraser mark on a chalkboard. She was standing very still, at the foot of his bed, but it’s the bed he shares with Joel so it makes no sense. It’s supposed to be a memory, right? 

For three days after that he was laid up with the worst headache of his life. Joel strokes his hair dutifully and tells him not to worry about it so much. After all, they’re happy there. 

He’s right, they are. Happy enough that it doesn’t really matter that Mike can’t remember how they got there, or that Joel doesn’t seem to care. Their neighbors are all friendly-except for the ones who are absolutely terrifying- but even them too, in their own way. 

The way they were introduced to Cecil is the perfect example of how terrifying friendly everyone is in Night Vale. 

"This just in, fellow citizens!"

Mike and Joel have been driving all day, listening to Servo’s _Easy Listening Canadian Cinema Tunes_  from the backseat, and Mike didn’t turn the radio on but he sure is grateful for the change. The voice is low and melodic, but it manages to drown out the heartfelt rendition of _Rowsdower Saves Us (and Saves All the World)._ In fact, it drowns out everything. Servo, the car, the entire world.

"We have a new family arriving in Night Vale."

Mike glances over at Joel, who just keeps his eyes on the road.

"Mike and Joel will moving into that house. You know,  _That House_ , with their lovely robot children, Crow and Servo. I hope we will all do our best to make Mike and Joel feel right at home for how ever long they might be here! And perhaps even after! But for now, the weather.”

Just like that, the muting spell is gone. _A Very Swayze Christmas_  begins to play softly on the radio. Joel makes a humming noise and only says, “Well isn’t that nice.”

Mike sits back in his seat, there’s not really much else he can do. 

They meet the voice on the radio soon after that. His name is Cecil, and he is very excited about many things, most of all Carlos the Scientist. He comes by with Carlos as soon as they finish unpacking. Like, to the very second he comes by. 

Cecil begins by introducing himself as “The Voice”. He introduces Carlos as “Perfect.” He brings fruit cake with him, but it’s green and spiky and looks much more like a cactus than fruit cake. As Carlos explains later, it’s actually quite tasty if you can get beyond the whole ‘spiked’ part. 

Tom Servo and Crow take an immediate interest in Cecil, who dotes on them as if they were his nephews. Later, they even intern at the station, winning all sorts of awards for worrisome things such as like ‘Longest Living’ and ‘Quickest Escape From the Pit.”

Mike would be more concerned about that, but Joel is always there keeping an eye on them. In fact, Joel adjusts almost as quickly as the bots do. With his infallible mellow and love of tinkering, Joel quickly becomes the town’s go to guy for…well, everything. When Cecil needs a new microphone, he’s there. When Carlos needs help with his “science” (Mike has never really figured out what that is) he calls Joel. House is infested with the annoyingly deadly spider wolves? Better get Joel. 

It gets to the point where Mike starts to feel like a housewife, kissing his partner on the cheek and watching him dash off every morning. As it turns out, there really isn’t room in the Night Valian economy for a man with experience in cheese and temping.

Until, of course he runs into Old Lady Josie. 

He’s walking into the grocery store to buy fruit snacks for the boys, she’s walking out with three angels in tow.  At least, that’s what Mike’s brain tells him they are. They don’t look like any kind of angel he’s ever imagined before. For one, the angels in his Lutheran church school never had that many…eyes. 

One of the angels drops box of Club crackers. Mike picks it up and hands it back to them without even thinking. The second he does he regrets it because Old Lady Josie is snatching his arm with some crazy kung fu shit and wrestling him to ground. 

"MIKE NELSON, DESTROYER OF WORLDS," she croaks out furiously, and everyone else in the parking lot turns to stare at this old woman utterly kicking his ass. "ONE WHO _SEES_  WHAT IS. YE HAVE ARRIVED.” 

Mike’s too busy being in pain to understand her words, but everyone else in the parking lot seems to. They begin to murmur, pointing at Mike. Somewhere, a radio starts to crackle into existence, and Cecil’s voice floats over them all. 

"THIS JUST IN NIGHT VALE, it looks Old Woman Josie has called it again! Our very own  _Mike Nelson_  is One Who Sees. Also on a side note, apparently a Destroyer of Worlds! I know we’re all dying to know exactly how much seeing and destroying Mike will be doing while he’s here, and I’ll be sure to keeping you updated with more information as it comes in! This has been Night Vale Public Access: your best guess at how much life you have left.”

The radio fades away to static. 

Mike stares at the sky, completely bewildered and a bit embarrassed. Blow up a few planets and the repercussions just keep on coming. Old Lady Josie lets him get back up on his feet and he brushes himself off. Even the angels (?) are staring at him now. 

Then, somewhere, someone, starts a slow clap like Mike is part of a Jamaican bobsled team.

The slow clap gets faster and louder, until it seems as if everyone in town has stopped whatever they’re doing and is clapping at Mike. One of the angels (Erika, Mike’s brain supplies) puts their feather thing to their face thing and starts making a shrill siren noise.

"DESTROYER. DESTROYER. DESTOYER," some chant.

"SEER, SEER, SEER," chant others.

Mike leaves without fruit snacks. 

When he gets home, Joel, the bots, and Cecil are there, along with Carlos who looks as bewildered as Mike feels. Joel greets him with a comforting hug and a kiss to the temples. Cecil looks like he’s bursting with joy, like he would be giving Mike kisses too if he thought he could get away with it. Carlos waggles his fingers and shrugs, thankfully as sane as always.

"DESTROYER, DESTROYER," the bots chant happily.

As it turns out, seeing angels and being wrestled to the ground by an old lady makes you a Seer, one who sees things as they really are. It’s an actual job description here, one that comes with actual honest to god benefits and salary. Also, Night Vale considered accidentally blowing up a few planets a good experience. 

"Thank you for choosing our town for your Seeing and Destroying," Cecil says with a beam, holding out a huge rectangular box. 

Yeah, there are presents. Mike doesn’t understand it either. 

The box turns out to be a sword. A sword with an eye in it. A real eye.  An eye that blinks lazily up at Mike. 

Definitely weird. 

So this is how Mike’s life goes. He’s got a husband, he’s got robot children, he’s got a sword with an eye in it, and apparently this makes him a respected figure around the town. It’s weird, but y’know, it’s a pretty good type of weird. It’s the type of weird where you don’t really know what’s going on, but you get to go home to your family so yeah 

He’s cool with it.


End file.
